Posted from the U.S
[Disclaimer: This essay/rant may involve the use of satire - heaven forbid. It may also be quite nonsensical to some. It may also be pure crap. I think it mostly sucks, but has a few funny parts]
I read a fine article today (published on 2/21/2005) by a self-assured, most likely nattily dressed gentleman named Stewart Purvis of The Guardian. Stewart is the former CEO of something ominous sounding called the "ITN" (sounds big and important! - he must be very smart and omniscient).
It is called:
(Sounds like- Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones)
Poor Stewart. He has not done his research well. He brags about his "blogger-style internet research", but he has not really done any in depth. Stuart writes:
"Rony Abovitz's version in the forum's own weblog presents the author as a concerned American anxious to get into the truth. Go to his own weblog, fixtheworld.blogs.com, and you will find a different agenda. Abovitz is one of those conservative online activists who believe the internet is an opportunity to balance what they see as media pro-liberal bias".
Stewart apparently missed the following, all openly and publicly posted on the World Economic Forum's weblog:
Absence Of The U.S. , posted on 1/27/05
Davos Man 2005, posted on 1/28/05
Through The Looking Glass Pt. 1, posted on 2/1/05
Stewart should pay special attention here, where a conservative attitude emerges from a liberal mindstorm (I also call Bush and Chirac genetic experiments gone bad - clearly part of the right wing conservative agenda handbook):
"Oh wait, it's that wacky mayor of San Francisco who allowed gay marriage. What a freakazoid - allowing civil rights in the United States of America? Where does he think he is? Russia? Poland? South Africa? Burn him! Throw him in the slammer and chuck the key. Of course you lost the Democrats the elections. Kerry is a great leader and he did not lose the election because he looks like Herman Munster and is a nincompoop (my diabetic cat could beat George Bush in an election). The most important issue in the whole world, much more important than peace, economic health, international relations, or healthcare, or even Angeline Jolie (heaven forbid) is stopping gay people from get married. That is why we invaded Iraq. It is all Gavin Newsome's fault. This is surely a dream because I saw Orrin Hatch's head pop off after it turned so red when he, with the righteouness of heaven, pronounced why the U.S. is going to steam roll over the Middle East and turn it into a Wal-Mart: Because the Mayor of San Francisco (who will burn in eternal hellfire and have to watch Al Jazeera 24-7) allows U.S. citizens to have their freedom, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Damn the founding fathers! Liberal freaks!"
It is here that one can see that I truly am part of a vast right wing conspiracy designed to attack liberals wherever they lurk (Dear Stewart - poorly written and badly executed satire doth not make one a right wing conservative).
Even more damning to Stewart is the following posting:
Are Bloggers Targeting CNN News Chief Eason Jordan?, posted on 2/6/05
This blog brought me a hailstorm of right wing unpleasentries, and a nice slap from Hugh Hewitt (who is clearly and proudly a right wing conservative). I doubt that Fox or anyone else who had me on the air read all of my postings.
Before Stewart, or anyone else begins to panic over a right wing conspiracy, consider this:
I'm quite far from being a right wing conservative - unless conservative means liberal. I have a right and left hand, and right and left halves to my brain (I hope I have a brain- some will dispute if I have a brain, perhaps even Stewart). Why can't I consider both the right and the left? A right and left wing would let you fly. I love flying - airplanes are very cool, as are gliders. U.S. Congressman Barney Frank and Senator Christopher Dodd, but especially Frank, would fall out of their chairs, convulsing from laughter, if they were ever accused of being right wing conservatives. Both are Democrats, openly liberal, and Frank is quite possibly one of the most liberal and is from one of the most liberal states in the U.S. But of course, Stewart knows something that all of us have missed: Dodd and Frank are both double top secret Republican operatives, planted by Bush and designed to confuse us all. I have also been planted by the evil Right, a vegetarian (been faking it for 20 years!) technogeek given an undercover mission to take out the top ranking leaders of the liberal media - using the new secret weapon invented by the Republicans, for the sole use of the Republicans, and with the purpose of causing the entire world to eat steak and enjoy huntin' and fishin': the internet.
Dear Stewart - are you madder than the Mad Hatter? We here in the states assume that those of you in the U.K. are much smarter than us in America because you have those very intelligent sounding accents. What is all of this nonsense? Where is Benny Hill when you need him (bless his soul!)
Stewart and the The Guardian are fishing in an empty swimming pool. The blogworld has a mixture of the vocal Right, and a mixture of the vocal Left. It also has a lot of independant thinkers who want to understand each event on its own merits, and each person on his or her own thoughts and actions. Maybe some people do not want a politicial movement and ideology to do their thinking for them. Maybe sometimes even those on the Left will do what is correct not because it is good for the Left, but because it was the honest and truthful thing to do. Maybe asking hard questions is ok, and challenging authority for good answers, on the Right or Left, is ok. Maybe, just maybe, Mr. Jordan said some pretty bad, stupid, regretful things, and that is why Davos is sitting on the tape? Do you think that CNN would care about the fabled Chatham House Rule if playing the tape worldwide would have done them or Jordan any good? The tape would be on CNN 24/7 if it could have helped them - and the Rule would be in the trash.
It is too easy to point the finger at a vast, right wing conspiracy. It is harder to understand the ground shaking beneath your feet, and to feel the emergence of free voices saying what they want, whenever they want. Imagine hundreds of thousands of blogs like this one. Now imagine millions. Now imagine, one day, billions. All connected. All saying whatever they want. Imagine poor people, all over the world, saying whatever they want to the whole world. Imagine the outrage. Imagine what happens when they discover their voice. Imagine Africa and Asia finding their voice, and with new technology we begin to understand what they are saying. I'm a pretty happy camper compared to what may be coming.
Dear Stewart, welcome to the blog world. Do some more homework, do a bit more reading. It is a messy place, without easy answers. It will wash over everything. It is unpredictable. It is big, growing fast, and it may become very important. As The Floyd once said, welcome to the machine.
Dear Stewart, I apologize for being such a cynical snot to you, but I have never, ever, been called a conservative before. If I, Sir, am a conservative, the you, perhaps are a fascist. An Italian fascist with a long moustache. An Italian fascist with a long moustache who drives a French moped. An Italian fascist with a long moustache who drives a French moped who enjoys smelly cheese. An Italian fascist with a long moustache who drives a French moped who enjoys smelly cheese and eats fish and chips wrapped in a ragged, liberal newspaper. An Italian fascist with a long moustache who drives a French moped who enjoys smelly cheese and eats fish and chips wrapped in a ragged, liberal newspaper and voted for George W. Bush. There it is, for all the world to see. You Sir, voted for George W. Bush, which makes you a much stauncher conservative than I. I voted for Ringo, and you voted for George (He was the most undervalued Beatle, wasn't he?). How do I know all of this? The same way that you know that I am a conservative. And I am sure that you wear a red fez - Republican Red.